I would like to start this blog off by saying that I am not even attempting to compare the feelings for a woman to a man when it comes to the emotional roller coaster of infertility. This is merely me being able to use this forum as a way to discuss things from the father or potential father’s point of view. The struggles of infertility can be not only physically draining but emotionally taxing as well.
No matter the situation whether you do not have any kids yet, or if your in a position like my wife and I and have kids from a past relationship, building a family is usually the top priority. For many people across the world though this can be a very difficult process. And while there are other options out there, such as IVF, for most the up front financial cost is enough to keep people away from fulfilling their dream. With most people already living paycheck to paycheck coming up with the average of 15 thousand dollars it costs for IVF feels more like a fairy tale than an actual obtainable dream.
Even more than the financial responsibility is the emotional output that it takes to remain positive after months and even years of not being able to grow your family. The constant questions at family get togethers. “Are you guys even trying?” or my favorite statement that comes out “Just give it time, its God’s plan”. And at no point does the couple dealing with this want to come out and say exactly what the issue is. Instead tehe common response of we are trying or hopefully soon comes out almost leaving a bad taste in your mouth right after saying it. Its no ones fault and they always mean their best when they say it, but it never stings any less.
Of course after all of that you would only hope that it would start to become a little bit easier on you, bt as with most things that’s only the beginning. Next comes the feeling of guilt from both sides. Wondering what is so wrong with you that you are unable to produce life. This is the hardest part of the whole equation. The feeling of inaduquesty that can remain a forefront thought in your mind each and everyday. At this point I would like to tell you that this is not your fault. You are a great person and this does not define you eithrer way. Many of nights I have spent drying up tears and holding my wife as we try to piece together answers to lifes hardest question to this point. I wish I could tell you that I have found the answer, but unfortunatey I havent.
What I have found though is hope. That is the one thing that you can hold onto throughout this whole process and IT IS AN ABSOLUTE MUST that you do not give up hope. You can and will figure this out, and one day your family will continue to grow. That is my hope for each and every family that has to deal with this. I say that keeping the hope is a must only because once you lose the hope you lose the drive to try, and you have to keep trying.
That is what we are going to continue to do is try. No matter how many nights pass and no matter how many questions we have to sit thru we will not give up. The old saying goes “Fighters Fight” and that’s what we are going to do. I hope and pray that all of you do as well. Unfortuanetly that is all we can do at this time.
One day I know I will be writing blog posts about our new baby and being a mushy mess about him or her or even them. But until that day I am going to keep fighting and I HOPE you will too.