Recently, a fellow Christian blogger asked for dating advice. I could — and am about to — spend days writing about the type of man she shouldn’t date. Here’s the man she should, according to Pastor Matt Hagee who provided the following “Six C’s of Masculinity” last Wednesday.
A Confident Man
“The first C is confidence. Real men are confident. And in order to be confident, you have to have faith in the right thing. You see, the word confidence means ‘living with faith.’ … Con = with, fideo = faith. So whenever you have confidence, your faith is in something.
“Now, the thing that a real man cannot be confident in is himself because if he’s confident only in himself, he, sooner or later, will fail. A real man has faith in God. That’s where his confidence comes from. And the confidence that he has in God … comes from God’s word, for the Bible tells us that ‘faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.’ You cannot have confidence and live in faith unless you hear the word of God. A real man is intimately connected with [the Bible] because this book is the lamp unto your feet, it’s the light unto your path, it’s the compass for your life and your household. It’s your connection with this book that builds your confidence, and your confidence gives you the ability to be the man that God created you to be.
A Committed Man
“Not only are real men confident, but real men are committed. Now, these C’s build on one another because you can’t have commitment unless you have confidence. And a woman wants a man who is willing to be committed — to her, not an asylum, to her.
“Hebrews 3:14 says:
“How long do we hold our confidence? Till the end. What does that mean? That means that real men don’t quit. They endure. Certainly there are times when ‘quit’ looks good, but a confident, committed man just presses on. They don’t quit on their marriage, they don’t quit on their kids, they don’t quit on their God. They endure, and they set an example for others to follow.
“One of the reasons we have a divorce rate past 60 percent in the United States is because we have children who were raised in single-parent households, and they never got to see how marriage was supposed to work. We’ve exchanged commitment for convenience, and the moment that something is inconvenient, we no longer are committed to it. It’s not commitment if it’s always convenient.
“The other day, I was having a conversation with a young couple, and they were talking about the struggles in their relationship, and I asked them a question. I said, ‘Do you know how couples make it to their 40th anniversary?’ and the young lady looked at me and said, ‘NO! HOW?’ I looked at him and said, ‘They want to.’ They didn’t stay married 40 years because it was 40 years of convenience. They stayed married 40 years because it was 40 years of commitment. [E]ven when it was hard, they still pressed on.
A Courageous Man
“Not only is a real man confident and committed, but a real man is courageous. He has courage. And courage is not some macho, chauvinistic definition of courage where you deny fear. That’s not courageous, that’s stupid. Courage is a willingness to face your fear, to admit that you have a fear, but you are willing to try [to] overcome that fear. You see, men, by nature, we get very uncomfortable with what we don’t understand, and therefore, we just avoid it rather than face it. But courage is when you’re willing to look at what you don’t understand, what you’re uncomfortable with, and be willing to try. Courage doesn’t always succeed, but courage never quits. …
“David was a courageous man. David was a warrior. David fought a lion. David fought a bear. David fought a giant. David fought many battles. David was a poet. David was a songwriter. David was both confident and sensitive, and what he tells us is that he’s always had to deal with fear. [In Psalm 34:4] he said, ‘I love the lord because he heard me.’ He says, ‘Whenever I faced a giant, and I was filled with fear, I talked to a god who was bigger than the giant, and he overcame my fear.’
A Man Who Gives Good Advice
“Real men are courageous, and real men are a good source of counsel. For every man in this room, I want to challenge you to pay attention to those you associate with. Because who your friends are will determine your future. One of the things that’s lacking in the world we live in is a source of good, godly counsel. Young people need to know who they can turn to when they have questions, and it’s not your responsibility as an experienced generation to say to them, ‘Go figure it out.’ Don’t turn them loose. Take them, show them, teach them. Proverbs 11 says it this way. It says, ‘Where there is no counsel, people fall. But in a multitude of counselors, there is safety.’
“A real man is a godly source of counsel. He can look at a younger man, he can look at a boy, he can look at somebody who needs his experience and expertise and offer it to them. Where does experience and expertise come from? Where does good counsel come from? It comes from those who have lived through what you’re trying to walk through. …
A Man Who’s Concerned About You
“Not only does a good man offer counsel, he also offers his concern. A real man has feelings. He has passion for his purpose. It’s the intimacy factor. We read in the Bible that Jesus wept. Why? Because he had feelings. He was worried about Mary and Martha. He was sad over the loss of Lazarus. He was willing to engage with his emotional side. Today’s men don’t want to admit they have feelings. And that’s a problem. … When you demonstrate your feelings, you’re showing someone that you actually love them more than you’re worried about yourself. And there is an overwhelming lack of that kind of sacrificial love. We have cheapened the word ‘love’ in our society.
“The other day, I was listening to my daughter tell all of her friends as they were leaving the school: ‘I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you!’ And that’s fine. It was cute. [But] on the way home, I said, ‘Baby, which one of your friends are you willing to sacrifice for?’
“And she went, ‘Wait, what?’
“I said, you tell them you love them. I said, what are you willing to sacrifice for them? Because … the currency of love is sacrifice. I said because as long as it’s just about how they make you feel, that’s selfish; that’s not sacrifice. And there are a lot of people in some very significant relationships that have to understand that. Your family is not for your gratification, it’s for you to satisfy … [what they need].
A Man Who Communicates
“The sixth C … is communicate. A real man communicates. He’s not afraid to tell somebody how he feels and do it in a way that doesn’t start a fight. … A woman wants a man who will communicate, not dictate. A woman wants a man who will communicate with his children, who will tell them right from wrong, who will show them what to do. …
“[A]s an individual, there may be a lot of things in this world that you cannot have an impact on. But the one place that God gave you influence and impact is in your home. Go be the man that God created you to be.”